1 00:00:04,134 --> 00:00:04,352 . 2 00:00:04,395 --> 00:00:06,223 - "Will and Grace" is recorded 3 00:00:06,267 --> 00:00:07,137 in front of a live studio audience. 4 00:00:07,181 --> 00:00:08,399 - Do you have to go so slow? 5 00:00:08,443 --> 00:00:11,315 - I'm being careful. Precious cargo. 6 00:00:11,359 --> 00:00:13,709 - It's a watermelon. 7 00:00:13,752 --> 00:00:15,319 - I'm not gonna test out a new stroller 8 00:00:15,363 --> 00:00:16,712 with an actual baby. 9 00:00:16,755 --> 00:00:18,061 I'm not a crazy person. 10 00:00:18,105 --> 00:00:19,802 Do you think she's dressed warm enough? 11 00:00:19,845 --> 00:00:21,804 [elevator bell dings] 12 00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:29,029 [clears throat] 13 00:00:29,072 --> 00:00:30,508 - Why is it shiny? 14 00:00:30,552 --> 00:00:31,770 Oh, my God. 15 00:00:31,814 --> 00:00:35,165 Did you put sunscreen on that watermelon? 16 00:00:35,209 --> 00:00:37,167 To prevent what? Melon-noma? 17 00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:41,693 You've been a wack-a-doo ever since you met 18 00:00:41,737 --> 00:00:42,868 with that baby proofer. 19 00:00:42,912 --> 00:00:46,002 - Mr. Ow-ie made everything very real, 20 00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:48,352 and you're just mad because I baby proofed the snack drawer 21 00:00:48,396 --> 00:00:51,268 and you had to bite it open. 22 00:00:51,312 --> 00:00:53,314 You're having a baby, too. Why aren't you terrified? 23 00:00:53,357 --> 00:00:55,055 - I am terrified, of you. 24 00:00:55,098 --> 00:00:58,232 Why don't you eat your feelings like normal people? 25 00:00:59,494 --> 00:01:01,235 Just relax. Calm down. 26 00:01:01,278 --> 00:01:03,106 - I am calm. I am relaxed. 27 00:01:03,150 --> 00:01:04,281 [elevator rumbles, alarm rings] 28 00:01:04,325 --> 00:01:06,544 [screams] Get me off of this death trap! 29 00:01:06,588 --> 00:01:09,765 - No, no, no! You pressed James's floor! 30 00:01:09,808 --> 00:01:10,896 - James? 31 00:01:10,940 --> 00:01:12,376 Oh, the guy you slept with his son? 32 00:01:12,420 --> 00:01:13,551 - Okay, we don't have to revisit the whole thing-- 33 00:01:13,595 --> 00:01:15,292 - And his father? - Okay, that's enough. 34 00:01:15,336 --> 00:01:17,077 - And--and you took such a massive dump, 35 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:19,122 it destroyed his apartment? 36 00:01:19,166 --> 00:01:20,558 - My pain and embarrassment 37 00:01:20,602 --> 00:01:22,604 should not bring you so much amusement. 38 00:01:22,647 --> 00:01:25,433 - And yet, it does. 39 00:01:26,956 --> 00:01:28,088 Grace, what are the odds 40 00:01:28,131 --> 00:01:29,393 he's gonna be in the hallway right now? 41 00:01:29,437 --> 00:01:31,352 [elevator door dings] 42 00:01:31,395 --> 00:01:32,570 Turns out, pretty good. 43 00:01:34,833 --> 00:01:36,096 - Hello, Grace. 44 00:01:36,139 --> 00:01:37,445 - Hi, James. 45 00:01:37,488 --> 00:01:39,577 - Uh, Melon-ie and I are gonna take the stairs. 46 00:01:41,362 --> 00:01:44,234 [upbeat trumpet and piano music] 47 00:01:44,278 --> 00:01:51,415 ♪ 48 00:01:53,983 --> 00:01:57,595 - So, how's work? 49 00:01:57,639 --> 00:01:58,596 - It's good. 50 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:00,381 - Good. 51 00:02:00,424 --> 00:02:02,861 Oh, I read about that new dolphin 52 00:02:02,905 --> 00:02:05,125 that you guys have at the-- at the aquarium. 53 00:02:05,168 --> 00:02:06,387 - It's a porpoise, actually. 54 00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:08,650 - I have always wanted to swim with a dolphin. 55 00:02:08,693 --> 00:02:11,261 - Again, porpoise. 56 00:02:11,305 --> 00:02:14,177 Uh, unfortunately, it's closed to the public, 57 00:02:14,221 --> 00:02:17,485 but I guess I could make an exception. 58 00:02:17,528 --> 00:02:19,139 For you. [chuckles] 59 00:02:19,182 --> 00:02:20,444 - Really? 60 00:02:20,488 --> 00:02:22,229 After everything I've done to you? 61 00:02:22,272 --> 00:02:24,405 - [chuckles] Ah, let's look at it this way. 62 00:02:24,448 --> 00:02:26,537 You can't do anything worse. 63 00:02:26,581 --> 00:02:28,278 [laughs] 64 00:02:28,322 --> 00:02:31,281 - Will, brunch! Hurry up! 65 00:02:31,325 --> 00:02:34,197 I can't let my blood alcohol level get too low, 66 00:02:34,241 --> 00:02:36,330 or I'll realize my friends are boring. 67 00:02:38,462 --> 00:02:40,421 - Just one more emergency drill. 68 00:02:40,464 --> 00:02:42,162 Jack, are you timing me? - On it. 69 00:02:42,205 --> 00:02:43,554 On your mark, get set-- 70 00:02:43,598 --> 00:02:45,600 [mimics firing gun] Whatever. 71 00:02:45,643 --> 00:02:49,212 - Okay, this time it's an earthquake. 72 00:02:49,256 --> 00:02:52,476 Rare in Manhattan, but not impossible. 73 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:53,999 Jack, hold it like it's a baby, 74 00:02:54,043 --> 00:02:57,177 not like it's an adult man who likes to dress like a baby. 75 00:02:57,699 --> 00:02:59,875 - Aww, your daddy lashes out so he doesn't have 76 00:02:59,918 --> 00:03:01,790 to work on himself. Yes, he does. 77 00:03:03,357 --> 00:03:06,664 - Just wrap this securely, grab some formula, 78 00:03:06,708 --> 00:03:09,232 and then get you safely out of the building. 79 00:03:09,276 --> 00:03:10,407 [thuds] 80 00:03:12,931 --> 00:03:15,543 - And the fruit is now a vegetable. 81 00:03:25,074 --> 00:03:26,684 - That's good baby. 82 00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:34,692 - How am I ever gonna get through this? 83 00:03:34,736 --> 00:03:36,694 There's--there's so many terrible things out there 84 00:03:36,738 --> 00:03:38,522 I have to protect this baby from. 85 00:03:38,566 --> 00:03:40,611 How does any parent sleep at night? 86 00:03:40,655 --> 00:03:42,526 - Alcohol and sleeping pills. 87 00:03:45,007 --> 00:03:48,097 But--and this is important-- 88 00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:49,664 you have to take them together. 89 00:03:51,970 --> 00:03:53,276 - Okay, dear. 90 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:54,712 I knew this was coming. 91 00:03:54,756 --> 00:03:57,280 We have got to get you to relax. 92 00:03:57,324 --> 00:03:58,716 I can read it all over your face 93 00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:00,849 because your stress pimples are like Braille. 94 00:04:02,981 --> 00:04:06,246 No... more... 95 00:04:07,159 --> 00:04:09,161 Dairy. Yeah, come on. 96 00:04:09,205 --> 00:04:10,511 Let's go. 97 00:04:10,554 --> 00:04:12,295 I know just the place. Come on. 98 00:04:12,339 --> 00:04:15,080 - Okay, fine. 99 00:04:15,124 --> 00:04:16,604 Can't wait to see what filthy, 100 00:04:16,647 --> 00:04:19,737 depraved hellhole you're taking me to. 101 00:04:19,781 --> 00:04:21,391 - As long as there's a drag queen 102 00:04:21,435 --> 00:04:25,700 calling out bingo numbers, I'm happy. 103 00:04:25,743 --> 00:04:27,223 - So, what? 104 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,659 This turns into a disco later, 105 00:04:28,703 --> 00:04:30,182 or do we have to pass through the back 106 00:04:30,226 --> 00:04:31,140 to get to the real club? 107 00:04:31,183 --> 00:04:32,315 - No, this is it. 108 00:04:32,359 --> 00:04:34,317 This is my church. 109 00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:35,318 - What? 110 00:04:35,362 --> 00:04:36,972 You go to church? 111 00:04:37,015 --> 00:04:38,147 - Every Sunday morning. 112 00:04:38,190 --> 00:04:41,629 Hemsworth, Chalamet, Gyllenhaal, Jonas. 113 00:04:41,672 --> 00:04:43,457 - You always tell me you're spending time 114 00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:44,675 with your mom on Sunday mornings. 115 00:04:44,719 --> 00:04:47,069 - Yeah, this is where we go, 116 00:04:47,112 --> 00:04:48,505 and we're always an hour late 117 00:04:48,549 --> 00:04:50,812 because she can't find the right hat. 118 00:04:53,075 --> 00:04:55,686 It's a church, not the Kentucky Derby, Judith. 119 00:04:57,775 --> 00:05:00,212 - Well, I don't know why you brought me here, 120 00:05:00,256 --> 00:05:01,475 but I have to tinkle. 121 00:05:01,518 --> 00:05:03,651 Time to turn the wine into water. 122 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,438 [wind blowing] 123 00:05:09,874 --> 00:05:11,833 - Well, those prayers ain't getting answered. 124 00:05:15,358 --> 00:05:15,489 . 125 00:05:15,532 --> 00:05:18,318 [piano music] 126 00:05:18,361 --> 00:05:20,102 ♪ 127 00:05:20,145 --> 00:05:22,539 - Wow, look at those big flippers. 128 00:05:22,583 --> 00:05:25,586 - Aww, that's the first time a man's said that to me 129 00:05:25,629 --> 00:05:28,458 when I was actually wearing flippers. 130 00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:30,112 - Well, you look adorable. - [giggles] 131 00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:32,070 - You know, I was thinking, 132 00:05:32,114 --> 00:05:33,985 maybe we could grab dinner later? 133 00:05:34,029 --> 00:05:36,336 I mean, if you're interested in giving us another try. 134 00:05:37,598 --> 00:05:41,558 - Uh, well, the short answer is I can't believe 135 00:05:41,602 --> 00:05:43,821 how forgiving you are. Maybe too forgiving. 136 00:05:43,865 --> 00:05:44,996 But then again, 137 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:46,433 someone who could forgive my mistakes 138 00:05:46,476 --> 00:05:49,784 might be the quality that I need most in a man, 139 00:05:49,827 --> 00:05:55,529 so, yes, I would love to give us another try. 140 00:05:56,443 --> 00:05:57,879 - That was the short answer? 141 00:05:59,097 --> 00:06:00,316 Look, I'm gonna go get my gear on 142 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,665 and then you can meet Nook-Nook. 143 00:06:01,709 --> 00:06:03,406 - [laughs] - But technically, 144 00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:05,190 you're not supposed to be in here, 145 00:06:05,234 --> 00:06:07,628 so please do me a favor and do not cross 146 00:06:07,671 --> 00:06:09,107 that yellow line until I get back. 147 00:06:09,151 --> 00:06:11,719 [door beeps] - Yes, sir. 148 00:06:11,762 --> 00:06:13,242 [water splashing] 149 00:06:13,285 --> 00:06:15,375 Oh, there you are! [Nook-Nook clicking] 150 00:06:16,854 --> 00:06:18,987 [clicking continues] 151 00:06:19,030 --> 00:06:21,032 Hi! 152 00:06:21,076 --> 00:06:23,208 Look at that smile. 153 00:06:23,252 --> 00:06:24,645 I'm gonna take a picture with you. 154 00:06:24,688 --> 00:06:26,864 Yes, I am. [Nook-Nook chirping] 155 00:06:26,908 --> 00:06:28,170 Okay. 156 00:06:28,213 --> 00:06:29,432 Oh, no, that's not good. 157 00:06:29,476 --> 00:06:31,434 [Nook-Nook clicking] It's--it's--it's me. 158 00:06:31,478 --> 00:06:33,001 It's not you. You're good. 159 00:06:33,044 --> 00:06:34,437 Great skin. 160 00:06:34,481 --> 00:06:36,352 Now smile. [shouts] 161 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:37,832 [splashing] 162 00:06:37,875 --> 00:06:40,182 - [humming] 163 00:06:40,225 --> 00:06:41,444 [organ music playing] 164 00:06:41,488 --> 00:06:45,143 [mimics singing in Latin] 165 00:06:45,187 --> 00:06:48,103 ♪ 166 00:06:48,146 --> 00:06:49,409 Oh! 167 00:06:53,064 --> 00:06:55,284 Huh. No toilet paper. 168 00:06:55,327 --> 00:06:57,895 Oh, hold on. No toilet. 169 00:06:57,939 --> 00:07:00,158 Okay, looks like we're going all third world 170 00:07:00,202 --> 00:07:02,509 up in this thing. 171 00:07:02,552 --> 00:07:04,685 - Oh, my God! I'm petting a dolphin! 172 00:07:04,728 --> 00:07:07,252 [gasps] Oh, you like that? 173 00:07:07,296 --> 00:07:09,298 Am I gonna tickle your belly? 174 00:07:09,341 --> 00:07:11,213 Huh? Is that your belly button? 175 00:07:11,256 --> 00:07:12,301 [laughs] [Nook-Nook squeals] 176 00:07:12,344 --> 00:07:13,781 Wow, that's a big belly button. 177 00:07:13,824 --> 00:07:18,481 Wow, you are really, really liking that, aren't you? 178 00:07:18,525 --> 00:07:20,570 [Nook-Nook squeals] 179 00:07:23,051 --> 00:07:23,965 Oh. 180 00:07:25,357 --> 00:07:26,968 That wasn't your belly button. 181 00:07:27,011 --> 00:07:29,492 [piano music] 182 00:07:29,536 --> 00:07:31,320 - Oh, hey, buddy. 183 00:07:31,363 --> 00:07:33,888 You got any toilet paper in your stall? 184 00:07:33,931 --> 00:07:35,063 - No. 185 00:07:35,106 --> 00:07:37,935 - How about two fives for a ten? 186 00:07:37,979 --> 00:07:39,415 - This is a confessional. 187 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:40,329 If you're looking for the bathroom-- 188 00:07:40,372 --> 00:07:41,722 - No, I'm good. 189 00:07:41,765 --> 00:07:44,376 I can put the cork back in till it's time to party. 190 00:07:47,597 --> 00:07:50,905 So, what goes on in here? 191 00:07:50,948 --> 00:07:53,821 - People come here to be absolved of their sins. 192 00:07:53,864 --> 00:07:56,040 - Ooh, I wanna play. 193 00:07:56,084 --> 00:07:57,477 - Then start by saying, 194 00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:59,609 "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." 195 00:07:59,653 --> 00:08:02,220 - What if I haven't sinned? - Of course you have. 196 00:08:02,264 --> 00:08:03,657 Everyone sins. 197 00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:05,615 Well, there must be someone you've wronged, 198 00:08:05,659 --> 00:08:07,922 some commandment you've broken. 199 00:08:07,965 --> 00:08:11,447 - Padre, the only thing a burning bush ever told me 200 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,318 was go get penicillin. 201 00:08:15,930 --> 00:08:18,585 - Well maybe then talk about the times you've lied. 202 00:08:18,628 --> 00:08:23,241 Or, uh, stolen. Or betrayed another. 203 00:08:23,285 --> 00:08:24,416 - Okay. 204 00:08:24,460 --> 00:08:25,722 We're gonna be here for a while. 205 00:08:25,766 --> 00:08:29,117 You in the mood for a little God's baby powder? 206 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:30,814 [piano music] 207 00:08:30,858 --> 00:08:32,555 - I'm still in shock that you come here. 208 00:08:32,599 --> 00:08:34,688 - Why? You know I grew up Catholic. 209 00:08:34,731 --> 00:08:37,821 - Yeah, but it's a hidden level I didn't know you had. 210 00:08:37,865 --> 00:08:40,128 It's--it's like discovering that an inflatable kiddie pool 211 00:08:40,171 --> 00:08:42,043 has a deep end. 212 00:08:42,086 --> 00:08:44,436 - 'Cause we are in the Lord's house, 213 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:46,656 I shalt not make a joke about my deep end. 214 00:08:48,919 --> 00:08:50,834 I like it here. 215 00:08:50,878 --> 00:08:52,706 Reminds me of my favorite movie. 216 00:08:52,749 --> 00:08:54,664 - Let me guess: "Sister Act." 217 00:08:54,708 --> 00:08:55,665 - No. 218 00:08:57,058 --> 00:08:59,495 "Sister Act 2." 219 00:09:01,149 --> 00:09:04,456 ♪ Joyful, joyful Lord we adore thee ♪ 220 00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:08,156 ♪ God of glory Lord of lords ♪ 221 00:09:08,199 --> 00:09:10,114 ♪ Ah, ah 222 00:09:10,158 --> 00:09:11,507 By the way, 223 00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:12,987 it's nice to feel like 224 00:09:13,030 --> 00:09:14,815 someone's always looking out for me, you know? 225 00:09:14,858 --> 00:09:16,512 - I just find it hard to believe 226 00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,079 in something you can't see. 227 00:09:18,122 --> 00:09:20,124 I mean, what--what if I said there was a--a magic rabbit 228 00:09:20,168 --> 00:09:22,562 that controlled the universe? You'd say, "Prove it." 229 00:09:22,605 --> 00:09:25,042 I'd say, "I can't." End of discussion. 230 00:09:25,086 --> 00:09:27,001 - [groans] Look. 231 00:09:27,044 --> 00:09:30,047 Have you ever seen "NCIS?" - No. 232 00:09:30,091 --> 00:09:32,310 - Has anyone you know ever seen it? 233 00:09:32,354 --> 00:09:33,529 - No. 234 00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,576 - But you still believe it exists. 235 00:09:39,361 --> 00:09:43,583 Will, God is "NCIS." 236 00:09:45,628 --> 00:09:47,717 - What about all the bad stuff that's been done 237 00:09:47,761 --> 00:09:50,328 "in the name of the church" to people like you and me? 238 00:09:50,372 --> 00:09:53,941 There's maybe three references in there to homosexuality 239 00:09:53,984 --> 00:09:56,204 and, like, 12 about not eating shellfish, 240 00:09:56,247 --> 00:09:58,815 but you don't see religious bigots picketing Red Lobster. 241 00:09:58,859 --> 00:10:00,512 - So they pick and choose. 242 00:10:00,556 --> 00:10:02,123 We can pick and choose, too. 243 00:10:02,166 --> 00:10:04,908 It's like that bar we used to go to on 8th Street 244 00:10:04,952 --> 00:10:06,823 with the bad music and the watered-down drinks. 245 00:10:06,867 --> 00:10:08,608 - Oh, the guys there were so hot, though. 246 00:10:08,651 --> 00:10:11,306 - Exactly, so we kept going back, 247 00:10:11,349 --> 00:10:13,395 because despite the issues, 248 00:10:13,438 --> 00:10:14,918 it had something to offer. 249 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:22,447 - So God is "NCIS" and the Bible is the Rawhide? 250 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:25,929 - You're catching on, my child. 251 00:10:29,411 --> 00:10:29,585 . 252 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:33,110 [piano music] 253 00:10:33,154 --> 00:10:35,025 - You ready to meet Nook-Nook? - You betcha. 254 00:10:35,069 --> 00:10:36,331 [Nook-Nook chirping] 255 00:10:36,374 --> 00:10:37,941 - You didn't cross the line, did you? 256 00:10:37,985 --> 00:10:40,509 - Nope. No lines were crossed. 257 00:10:40,552 --> 00:10:43,294 - Wow, she's really excited to meet you. 258 00:10:43,338 --> 00:10:46,515 - I, uh, guess I just must have a way with animals. 259 00:10:46,558 --> 00:10:48,778 - Okay, before we get in, a few precautions. 260 00:10:48,822 --> 00:10:50,214 Because she's mating, 261 00:10:50,258 --> 00:10:52,695 right now Nook-Nook is in a highly sexualized state. 262 00:10:52,739 --> 00:10:54,741 - Yeah, tell me about it. 263 00:10:54,784 --> 00:10:56,786 - I mean, she needs to be handled very carefully. 264 00:10:56,830 --> 00:10:59,267 We can't do anything to disrupt the process. 265 00:10:59,310 --> 00:11:02,487 - Hypothetically, would it disrupt the process 266 00:11:02,531 --> 00:11:07,188 if she were to, say, pleasure herself? 267 00:11:07,231 --> 00:11:10,365 - Well, they don't have hands, so--but, yeah. 268 00:11:10,408 --> 00:11:11,714 Hypothetically, I mean, 269 00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:13,934 that would seriously upset her ability to mate, 270 00:11:13,977 --> 00:11:15,283 which would be a tragedy 271 00:11:15,326 --> 00:11:19,026 because she's the last female of her species. 272 00:11:19,069 --> 00:11:20,549 - Have you looked everywhere? 273 00:11:22,072 --> 00:11:24,640 - Of course we have. 274 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:27,991 [cell phone ringing] 275 00:11:28,035 --> 00:11:30,690 Hello? Oh, okay. 276 00:11:30,733 --> 00:11:33,127 Um, I'll be right there. 277 00:11:33,170 --> 00:11:34,868 That was security. 278 00:11:34,911 --> 00:11:37,435 Some surveillance footage they want me to see. 279 00:11:37,479 --> 00:11:39,089 [door beeps] - There are cameras in here? 280 00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:40,700 - Oh, yeah. They're all over. 281 00:11:44,181 --> 00:11:47,228 - Oh, my God. Hey, no means no. 282 00:11:47,271 --> 00:11:48,795 [Nook-Nook squeals] 283 00:11:48,838 --> 00:11:50,100 [exhales sharply] 284 00:11:50,144 --> 00:11:51,711 [Nook-Nook squeaking] 285 00:11:51,754 --> 00:11:53,625 It's almost like you're having a-- 286 00:11:53,669 --> 00:11:55,802 [Nook-Nook squeaks] [water splashing] 287 00:12:00,110 --> 00:12:02,983 - What is wrong with you?! 288 00:12:03,026 --> 00:12:04,593 - I've read about people like her. 289 00:12:04,636 --> 00:12:06,769 It's a fetish. - It's not a fetish. 290 00:12:06,813 --> 00:12:09,729 - Oh, that's right. They think it's love. 291 00:12:11,165 --> 00:12:14,559 - Okay, okay, this is not my finest moment. 292 00:12:14,603 --> 00:12:16,300 - Mm. 293 00:12:18,781 --> 00:12:22,654 - But in my defense, 294 00:12:22,698 --> 00:12:23,830 she came on to me. 295 00:12:23,873 --> 00:12:25,396 - You're blaming the fish? 296 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:28,791 - This is the worst thing you have ever done, 297 00:12:28,835 --> 00:12:29,923 and that's saying a lot. 298 00:12:29,966 --> 00:12:32,099 - Is she the one who took a giant cr-- 299 00:12:32,142 --> 00:12:33,753 - Yes, Genevieve! 300 00:12:33,796 --> 00:12:36,190 - [laughing] 301 00:12:36,233 --> 00:12:38,670 [piano music] 302 00:12:38,714 --> 00:12:42,239 - It took three maids to clean up all that blood. 303 00:12:44,328 --> 00:12:47,592 And two butlers to get rid of the three maids. 304 00:12:49,246 --> 00:12:51,161 But in the end, it was like it never happened, 305 00:12:51,205 --> 00:12:53,250 and he got elected President. 306 00:12:54,948 --> 00:12:57,428 - And you don't think any of that is sinful? 307 00:12:57,472 --> 00:12:58,603 - What sin? No sin. 308 00:12:58,647 --> 00:13:00,780 You're the sinner. Fake news. 309 00:13:02,216 --> 00:13:03,695 [knocking] 310 00:13:03,739 --> 00:13:05,175 Oh, hold on. 311 00:13:05,219 --> 00:13:06,481 I thought this might take a while, 312 00:13:06,524 --> 00:13:08,526 so I ordered a little snicky-snack. 313 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,139 Smitty? 314 00:13:12,182 --> 00:13:13,662 - Hello, Mrs. Walker. 315 00:13:13,705 --> 00:13:16,491 - Oh, you're delivering Postmates? 316 00:13:16,534 --> 00:13:19,276 What happened to your job at the Old King Cole Bar? 317 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:22,497 - It's--it's not a good story. 318 00:13:22,540 --> 00:13:24,629 - Hang on to your yarmulke, Rabbi. 319 00:13:27,589 --> 00:13:30,070 Tragedy plus Smitty equals comedy. 320 00:13:30,113 --> 00:13:31,811 [knocks] 321 00:13:31,854 --> 00:13:35,336 - Well, I--I didn't know that they had just waxed 322 00:13:35,379 --> 00:13:38,643 the marble steps outside the bar. 323 00:13:38,687 --> 00:13:40,907 - Okay, you can see this one coming, 324 00:13:40,950 --> 00:13:42,865 but you'll enjoy the ride. 325 00:13:43,692 --> 00:13:47,348 - The doctors say that I shattered my hips 326 00:13:47,391 --> 00:13:48,828 on the first stair, 327 00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:51,831 but by the time I got to the bottom of the landing, 328 00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:56,444 well, I was more jigsaw puzzle than man. 329 00:14:02,537 --> 00:14:05,888 - Hold on. He's gonna top it. 330 00:14:05,932 --> 00:14:10,371 - Well, maybe you noticed that I was a few inches shorter, 331 00:14:10,414 --> 00:14:16,594 and--and--and that's because my pelvis is gone. 332 00:14:18,596 --> 00:14:22,774 I--I have no lap for my great grandchildren 333 00:14:22,818 --> 00:14:24,298 to sit on. 334 00:14:24,341 --> 00:14:25,734 - [wheezing] 335 00:14:27,344 --> 00:14:29,433 And there it is. 336 00:14:30,782 --> 00:14:32,915 Ah, Smitty. 337 00:14:32,959 --> 00:14:35,439 Five stars. 338 00:14:39,748 --> 00:14:40,923 - Don't you think laughing 339 00:14:40,967 --> 00:14:43,360 at another soul's misfortune is sinful? 340 00:14:43,404 --> 00:14:45,319 - What? No. 341 00:14:45,362 --> 00:14:47,147 That's our thing we've been doing for years. 342 00:14:47,190 --> 00:14:48,670 He loves it. 343 00:14:49,584 --> 00:14:51,368 - Are you sure about that? 344 00:14:51,412 --> 00:14:52,892 Have you ever asked him? 345 00:14:54,328 --> 00:14:57,461 - No. - Well then, how can you know? 346 00:14:57,505 --> 00:14:59,811 - I guess I can't. 347 00:14:59,855 --> 00:15:02,292 Um, gosh, 348 00:15:02,336 --> 00:15:04,555 if I'd been hurting Smitty all these years, 349 00:15:04,599 --> 00:15:06,427 that would be a sin. 350 00:15:06,470 --> 00:15:08,908 Oh, I hope I can catch him. 351 00:15:10,779 --> 00:15:13,608 Smitty! Smitty, slow down! 352 00:15:15,175 --> 00:15:17,960 - No time to chat, Mrs. Walker. 353 00:15:18,004 --> 00:15:20,658 I gotta be in Brooklyn in 15 minutes. 354 00:15:20,702 --> 00:15:23,487 - Oh, uh, listen, Smitty. 355 00:15:23,531 --> 00:15:26,229 I hope you don't mind that I sometimes let 356 00:15:26,273 --> 00:15:29,232 a giggle or two escape when you tell me 357 00:15:29,276 --> 00:15:31,452 about your adventures. 358 00:15:31,495 --> 00:15:35,151 - Oh, not at all. It's nice of you to ask. 359 00:15:35,195 --> 00:15:37,327 Um, truth is, 360 00:15:37,371 --> 00:15:39,590 when those bad things happen to me, 361 00:15:39,634 --> 00:15:41,810 I always think to myself, 362 00:15:41,853 --> 00:15:44,552 "Mrs. Walker's gonna enjoy this." 363 00:15:46,902 --> 00:15:48,991 - Well, that's nice to know, Smitty, 364 00:15:49,035 --> 00:15:50,645 but all the same, 365 00:15:50,688 --> 00:15:52,647 when you get back to your apartment, 366 00:15:52,690 --> 00:15:54,997 there's going to be a check to make sure 367 00:15:55,041 --> 00:15:58,218 that you never have to work for Postmates again. 368 00:15:58,261 --> 00:15:59,828 - But I--I love it, 369 00:15:59,871 --> 00:16:03,701 and--and this scooter is a real panty-dropper. 370 00:16:03,745 --> 00:16:05,747 Thank you, Mrs. Walker. 371 00:16:05,790 --> 00:16:07,357 - You're welcome, Smitty. 372 00:16:09,098 --> 00:16:11,971 Oh, and, um, Smitty? 373 00:16:13,363 --> 00:16:14,886 See you in the funny papers. 374 00:16:16,497 --> 00:16:18,368 - Wow. 375 00:16:18,412 --> 00:16:21,023 Look at those shiny stairs. 376 00:16:22,546 --> 00:16:25,114 [thudding] 377 00:16:28,422 --> 00:16:30,728 - You always have to get the last laugh, 378 00:16:30,772 --> 00:16:32,556 don't you, you big ham? 379 00:16:36,125 --> 00:16:36,299 . 380 00:16:36,343 --> 00:16:39,041 [piano music] 381 00:16:39,085 --> 00:16:40,434 - It's funny. 382 00:16:40,477 --> 00:16:42,218 As a kid, I was super religious. 383 00:16:42,262 --> 00:16:45,091 - I was an altar boy. 384 00:16:45,134 --> 00:16:49,573 I altered the hem of my frock to show off my gams. 385 00:16:49,617 --> 00:16:52,402 - I like the idea of this father figure 386 00:16:52,446 --> 00:16:54,665 that seemed way more interested in me 387 00:16:54,709 --> 00:16:56,058 than my real dad. 388 00:16:56,102 --> 00:17:00,497 I actually turned to this for advice, comfort, 389 00:17:00,541 --> 00:17:03,065 and when I started having attractions 390 00:17:03,109 --> 00:17:04,414 and I looked here for help, 391 00:17:04,458 --> 00:17:07,243 I found out I was an abomination, 392 00:17:07,287 --> 00:17:11,073 and this book that had made me feel less lonely 393 00:17:11,117 --> 00:17:14,729 suddenly made me feel completely alone. 394 00:17:14,772 --> 00:17:16,513 - Yeah, I was there, too, 395 00:17:16,557 --> 00:17:19,821 but God is more than just that book. 396 00:17:19,864 --> 00:17:21,736 - It's all so confusing to me. 397 00:17:21,779 --> 00:17:23,433 I mean, wanting someone so much 398 00:17:23,477 --> 00:17:26,610 and then being told I wasn't supposed to want it, 399 00:17:26,654 --> 00:17:30,266 and so many gay guys I knew just buried those feelings 400 00:17:30,310 --> 00:17:32,355 by getting drunk or high. 401 00:17:32,399 --> 00:17:34,966 - Well, Leviticus does say, 402 00:17:35,010 --> 00:17:36,794 "If a man lies with another man, 403 00:17:36,838 --> 00:17:38,318 he should be stoned." 404 00:17:40,668 --> 00:17:43,497 - [laughing] 405 00:17:44,237 --> 00:17:47,979 So I'm listening. What do you get out of this? 406 00:17:48,545 --> 00:17:53,159 - Well, I come here, I close my eyes, 407 00:17:53,202 --> 00:17:56,379 and I think about what matters to me 408 00:17:56,423 --> 00:17:58,425 and what I'm grateful for, 409 00:17:58,468 --> 00:18:02,124 and a sense of peace comes over me. 410 00:18:02,168 --> 00:18:04,953 - Sounds nice. - Try it. 411 00:18:04,996 --> 00:18:06,824 - Now? 412 00:18:06,868 --> 00:18:08,957 Okay. What matters to-- 413 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,437 - Close your eyes. 414 00:18:13,527 --> 00:18:16,182 - What matters to me right now is protecting my child. 415 00:18:17,705 --> 00:18:19,489 And I'm grateful that 416 00:18:19,533 --> 00:18:21,709 I'm bringing this child into the world. 417 00:18:21,752 --> 00:18:23,754 - There you go. Doesn't that feel-- 418 00:18:23,798 --> 00:18:25,887 - The world where the ice caps are melting, 419 00:18:25,930 --> 00:18:27,497 bees are dying, 420 00:18:27,541 --> 00:18:29,847 low-rise jeans are coming back, 421 00:18:29,891 --> 00:18:32,894 not to mention the fact that when my kid is in college, 422 00:18:32,937 --> 00:18:34,113 I'll be 70, 423 00:18:34,156 --> 00:18:35,331 and if I ever get to meet my grandkids, 424 00:18:35,375 --> 00:18:37,159 I'll probably be a head in a jar. 425 00:18:37,203 --> 00:18:39,161 - Okay, okay, okay. 426 00:18:39,205 --> 00:18:41,729 Good first attempt. 427 00:18:41,772 --> 00:18:43,687 - I'm sorry, Jack. I-- 428 00:18:43,731 --> 00:18:46,473 I actually wish I could have the faith you have. 429 00:18:46,516 --> 00:18:50,520 - Will, you--you're going to be a father. 430 00:18:50,564 --> 00:18:53,262 That's the biggest leap of faith there is. 431 00:18:53,306 --> 00:18:56,744 - That and you buying that box of supermarket hair dye. 432 00:18:58,093 --> 00:18:59,573 - I had a coupon. 433 00:19:01,662 --> 00:19:03,577 And I slept through the timer, all right? 434 00:19:04,969 --> 00:19:06,406 It'll fade. It'll fade. 435 00:19:08,277 --> 00:19:10,801 But, look, the world is always gonna be filled 436 00:19:10,845 --> 00:19:12,325 with things you can't control. 437 00:19:12,368 --> 00:19:14,153 That's what coming here is for-- 438 00:19:14,196 --> 00:19:17,373 to release that to something outside of you. 439 00:19:17,417 --> 00:19:18,896 Why do you think I'm so much less stressed out 440 00:19:18,940 --> 00:19:20,376 than you all the time? 441 00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:21,682 - I always assumed it was because 442 00:19:21,725 --> 00:19:22,944 I pay for everything 443 00:19:22,987 --> 00:19:24,337 and you have no responsibilities whatsoever, 444 00:19:24,380 --> 00:19:27,992 but I see your point. 445 00:19:28,036 --> 00:19:29,211 I just don't think I can do 446 00:19:29,255 --> 00:19:31,735 the whole let go and let God thing. 447 00:19:31,779 --> 00:19:33,737 Then... 448 00:19:33,781 --> 00:19:37,045 then let go and let me, hmm? 449 00:19:37,088 --> 00:19:38,655 When it all gets to be too much, 450 00:19:38,699 --> 00:19:42,137 just give me some of that worry you're holding onto 451 00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:45,227 and let me carry it, huh? 452 00:19:45,271 --> 00:19:47,142 Let me be your church. 453 00:19:49,144 --> 00:19:50,450 - Well, I do worship you. 454 00:19:52,626 --> 00:19:54,018 Thanks, Jack. - Yeah. 455 00:19:54,062 --> 00:19:55,237 - Oh, look. 456 00:19:55,281 --> 00:19:57,239 It's Sodom and Gay Moron. 457 00:19:59,285 --> 00:20:00,721 [thunder clapping] 458 00:20:00,764 --> 00:20:03,767 Crap, he knows I'm here. Let's get out of here. 459 00:20:03,811 --> 00:20:05,291 [knocking] 460 00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:08,598 - James, what are you doing here? 461 00:20:08,642 --> 00:20:10,818 - Well, naturally, I was fired. 462 00:20:10,861 --> 00:20:13,255 - Oh, no. 463 00:20:13,299 --> 00:20:15,170 You'll get another job, right? 464 00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,563 With all the aquariums in New York? 465 00:20:16,606 --> 00:20:18,260 - No, there's just the one. 466 00:20:20,871 --> 00:20:23,744 - I am so, so sorry. 467 00:20:23,787 --> 00:20:25,441 - No, I'm sorry, Grace. 468 00:20:25,485 --> 00:20:27,269 I got angry with you, but you were right. 469 00:20:27,313 --> 00:20:29,750 It was just an accident, so I'm here to say... 470 00:20:31,273 --> 00:20:33,188 Can we try again? 471 00:20:36,539 --> 00:20:37,497 - What? 472 00:20:38,411 --> 00:20:41,457 Are you out of your mind? 473 00:20:41,501 --> 00:20:45,156 I slept with your son and your father, 474 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:46,462 and you forgave me. 475 00:20:46,506 --> 00:20:48,377 I pooped your apartment to death, 476 00:20:48,421 --> 00:20:50,640 and you forgave me. 477 00:20:50,684 --> 00:20:55,993 But now I violated a porpoise, got you fired, 478 00:20:56,037 --> 00:20:58,605 and ended a species! 479 00:21:02,217 --> 00:21:03,305 - And I forgive you. 480 00:21:03,349 --> 00:21:04,654 [blow lands] [groans] 481 00:21:08,049 --> 00:21:10,921 - What is wrong with you? 482 00:21:10,965 --> 00:21:12,532 - I think I'm falling for you! 483 00:21:12,575 --> 00:21:15,230 - Raise your standards, man! 484 00:21:16,362 --> 00:21:17,319 [exhales sharply] I'm sorry. 485 00:21:17,363 --> 00:21:18,320 I'm sorry. 486 00:21:18,364 --> 00:21:19,582 I can't be with someone who 487 00:21:19,626 --> 00:21:21,584 has such terrible taste in women.